I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
