I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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