He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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