Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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