i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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