got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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