I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
