had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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