Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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