and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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