how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
