i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
