I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
