return my video game
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
