So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
