Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
