roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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