She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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