talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I got inside last night via doggy door
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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