So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
