Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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