Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
