well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
