the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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