Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
