Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
