Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
