I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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