I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
