I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
