I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize