Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
