Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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