Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
