38 yer olds are good kisserssss
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
