i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Who died my cat blue again?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
