I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
