Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A bitchslap is in order.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize