Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were trust falling into bushes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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