Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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