your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
