eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
