I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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