I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
