The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
