the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
