she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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