we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
