I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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