I'm sorry my penis didn't work
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
