respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
