dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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