Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
