All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize