So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
