Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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