Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
