I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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