We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
