Where is the hickey?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
