On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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