The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
