remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
