I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
