I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
