I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
