I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
