if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
