awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
