I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize