Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i came on her dog
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
