how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
