He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
