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this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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