this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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