Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
