When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
