I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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