You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
