ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
