I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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