Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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