he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize