wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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