I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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