you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
