I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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