I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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