He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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