What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
