So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
