put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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