I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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