It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
