After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dear god my vagina.
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