My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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