thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
