I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize